I will start this post my reminding anyone reading that I’m not a professional just a trauma survivor, a survivor of childhood grooming, rape and assault.
So, naturally my comments will resonate with some and not with others. Likewise I may choose to talk about what works or doesn’t work for me but you will have to determine whether this could apply to you.
As i write I am in a private mental health clinic after a period of instability from my PTSD. It’s my second clinic admission this year and that feels strange. Have I failed at recovery by being re-admitted or can i find the compassion to simply say I got to a hard bit of the recovery journey, also had some unpleasant external triggers and had to reach out again for help.
As further background my treatment consists of a mix of meds, Antidepressants,anti-psychotic (for the PTSD flashbacks) 1-2-1’s with separately psychiatrist and psychologist and at the moment while I’m in as an inpatient in the clinic lots of group therapy. That includes yoga, mindfulness, class on managing anxiety and depression and group therapy which allows us to openly express feelings in a confidential environment. I will not speak about anything that gives on in group therapy on any of my blogs as even though this is anonymous i would feel i was breaking a trust.
Now i am starting week 3 of my admission and have had many ups and downs. In the last week I have had triggers from outside (family) that have lead me to have extreme flashbacks and needed immediate additional fast acting medication to bring me back to one conscious state and to sedate and help me sleep.
However, in this moment, I am feeling hopeful. Yesterday I had a breakthrough in my thoughts and am busily trying to process those thoughts, hold them close and then write write write in my journal so I can discuss and take my new thoughts to my psychiatrist later today
More about my new breakthrough thought later